Jealousy in the 21st Century - is Facebook making us paranoid?

Facebook has become a global phenomenon that now defines people's social lives, shapes relationships and consumes leisure time.

However, as with all great innovations, there is a downside. Due to the very nature of social media, a new breed of 'jealousy-provoking triggers' has been created and these have consequently had a profound impact on people's relationships.

The big question is: is Facebook making us paranoid?

Most of us log on to the internet every day, be it for work or pleasure. Colleagues communicate via instant messenger or email, even though they sit only feet apart. Friends see each other via Skype from the comfort of their lounge, rather than making the effort to go out and meet face to face. Lovers arrange dates via texts on their smartphones instead of calling each other.

It's fair to say, therefore, that "the internet has become an integral part of many people's daily lives" (Hesper & Whitty, 2010) and there is no denying that technological advancements in electronic media have "redefined the way people communicate with each other" (Bowe, 2010).

This is especially true of social media websites like Facebook, Twitter, Google+ and LinkedIn, which many people today cannot function without, apparently.

More than simply a passing fad, social media sites have reconnected millions of people across the world, allowing friends and families to share their lives like never before. Take Facebook for example, 750 million people worldwide use the network, which has grown from a Harvard University student directory to a global phenomenon that now defines people's social lives, shapes relationships and consumes leisure time.

Where many platforms have failed, Facebook continues to thrive, adding more applications and continually revising itself in order to keep its members ever captivated. It's possible to chat, view photos, play games, watch videos, arrange parties and blow off steam, all in the public domain.

However, as with all great innovations, there is a downside. Due to the very nature of social media, a new breed of 'jealousy-provoking triggers' has been created and these have consequently had a profound impact on people's relationships.

The term 'trigger' constitutes the method by which jealousy is provoked, rather than the reason, i.e. a comment on a partner's profile sent by a perceived rival. Facebook, owing to its incredible global popularity, would appear to be the primary platform upon which these new triggers are exhibited, causing some users to develop paranoia.

Essentially, the four main reasons or 'themes' of jealousy have remained the same throughout time, long before Facebook was conceived. These are identified as someone showing an interest in a partner, a partner showing interest in another, previous relationships and ambiguous scenes (Sheets, Fredendall and Claypool, 1997). These themes have not changed.

What Facebook has done is to inadvertently provide more opportunities to provoke jealousy and new ways in which to physically see these actions, predominantly those that openly display any contact with a rival.

Simply following the format of adding comments, updating a relationship status, accepting friend requests, 'liking' others' updates and keeping electronic mementoes of an 'archived romance' could provoke feelings of jealousy that can easily escalate.

Many studies conclude that Facebook's design and features "can have an emotional impact on its users and the format of online presentation can intensify feelings of possession and jealousy in an intimate relationship" (Bowe, 2001).

This can lead to a vicious circle effect where "heightened jealousy leads to increased surveillance of a partner's Facebook page [but] persistent surveillance results in further exposure to jealousy-provoking information" (Muise, Christofides and Desmarais, 2009).

The total, legal availability of personal information offers the jealous party the opportunity to "unobtrusively monitor the partner" (Utz and Beukeboom, 2011). Additionally, the freedom for "creeping" - filtering through a partner's profile - naturally increases negative and often perceived, delusional beliefs about the relationship (Cozzens and Potter, 2009).

Many retaliate in territorial and possessive ways (Bowe, 2001) by posting public displays of affection to warn rivals off. Others exhibit more disturbing 'morbid jealousy' behaviours, under the safety of anonymous surveillance, such as 'Facebook Rage' and 'Facestalking', behaviours that would never be considered, nor tolerated out in the offline world.

It's no surprise to learn that there is a negative correlation between compulsive internet use and relationship well-being (Kerkhof, Finkenauer and Muusses, 2011).

Perhaps the issue is that Facebook provides easier access to rivals? There may too be an element of pride involved, knowing that all 'friends' can view comments and may consequently make judgements as to the status of a relationship.

Either way, studies suggest that Facebook has made our reactions change. Most people wouldn't be that bothered if they caught a partner glance at a member of the opposite sex out on the street, yet speaking to one on Facebook generates irrational feelings and compels people to act unreasonably.

Unfortunately, some people, though usually intelligent, persist in this "self-defeating behaviour" and struggle to accept responsibility for their own jealous feelings. Hauck (1981) points out that one of the "most amazing characteristics of jealous and possessive people is that they are psychologically blind."

That being said, it is largely accepted that Facebook is more "apt to spark jealousy in those who are prone to it" Turndorf (2007), i.e. those with a jealous nature and who suffer with low self-esteem. Delusional thoughts could in some cases indicate wider mental health issues such as schizophrenia (Kingham and Gordon, 2004).

Overcoming jealousy requires a consideration of history and family background, plus an understanding as to the quality of the relationship, which can only be fully explored in person; a book or CD cannot take these vital factors into account.

The intricate nature of such an emotion means that a 'one-size fits all' approach (i.e. a CD or self-help book) simply won't do. It is much more beneficial to seek help on a face to face basis, be it individually or as a couple.

It is important in any jealousy recovery programme that the exact 'type' is distinguished, as the three recognised categories (Buuck 1991, 1997) are very different and require wholly separate approaches.

The first, reactive jealousy, is an emotional response to supposed infidelity which reveals a deep, caring side. The second, anxious jealousy, pertains to obsessing about possible infidelity and signals weaknesses in the actual relationship. Thirdly, possessive jealousy, the most extreme behaviour, includes heavy profile surveillance and attempts to prohibit 'friendship' with members of the opposite sex.

Face to face therapy sessions can determine what type of jealousy an individual is presenting and deal with it using the most effective, tailored methods.

A combination of neuro linguistic programming (NLP), cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) and hypnotherapy can identify root causes: largely self-esteem worries, trust issues, insecurity or lack of self-confidence.

Talking through the problem allows jealous individuals to acknowledge the damaging effects of their feelings and address the need for constant social media interaction by the non-jealous partner.

Many medical and scientific professionals have conducted research that supports the effectiveness of CBT, NLP and hypnotherapy in treating jealousy. Dolan and Bishay (1996) found that cognitive therapy "resulted in significant improvement on all jealousy measures" of which partners could concur. Kingham and Gordon (2004) concluded that "cognitive therapy is effective in morbid jealousy, especially where obsessions are prominent."

What concerned individuals should know is that they are not alone in their intense feelings; there is no doubt that Facebook has unintentionally made us more jealous, more paranoid about our relationships in 21st Century than previously.

There are many more suspicion-arousing methods in existence today than as recently as ten years ago, when ignorance was bliss. These triggers are consciously, constantly flaunted in the public domain for friends and rivals to see.

However, the degree to which these triggers affect us depends ultimately on an individual's psyche and the state of the relationship. Self-esteem is a major contributor to jealousy and delusions about a partner, seen on Facebook, can compound an already fragile situation.

A Facebook profile can always be deleted, but the propensity for jealousy exists deep within. The only effective way to overcome such troubles is to seek the help of a professional.

Find out more about The Therapy Lounge or it's Overcome Jealousy Hypnotherapy.